Miss Emma Turns 9!

Friday was Emma's birthday! I'm still having a hard time processing the fact that the last year has gone by in what seemed like a week. I swear she just turned 8 and had just gotten baptized! Craziness. There are times where I'll catch a glimpse of what she'll look like when she grows up, of how gorgeous she'll be and I can see traits in her that will carry her through the tough times. I'm amazed that Father has trusted me, enough to be her mother. That He feels like I am able to teach and guide her, to learn what she will need to, in order to become a well balanced adult.

One of those glimpses I was talking about (March 2011)

Making an art project with Aunt Kristie (July 2011)

Face paint from Stampede Days (June 2011)

She really enjoyed her birthday, we didn't do anything big, just walked around the county fair, she performed in her performing art class (Tavaci) and pretty much spent the day with her family.

Ryan wasn't able to be here for her birthday for the first time, she was a little sad. He ordered her some flowers, she was so excited when she saw that they were blue, seriously, you should have seen her face. Priceless.

She has grown to be a wonderful young lady, she always aims to do what is right, you can see how much she loves her siblings, in the service she gives them and she loves helping Ryan and I. We're so blessed to have her in our lives and I CAN wait for her to grow to adulthood and become an out-standing woman.

Even More Crunchier

So, Ryan was able to get some extra hours this last week and we decided to put that money to good use. Since he had started working in ND we had become a little lazy with our finances, we weren't as strict with our spending. We recently decided that we needed to get back on the straight and narrow and start (once again) to be much more concience of what we do with our money. One of our overall goals is to be as self sufficiant as possible, we've started taking baby steps to get there and things we've been wanting to do for a while we've been able to realize. Like, making our own yogurt and cheese! I haven't done it yet, mostly cause I want Ryan to be home when I do it, so I won't be alone in bouncing around the house looking like a dumby, while my yogurt thickens. If you want to see how absolutely easy and fun it can be click here!

One of the other things we've wanted to do for a long time is, cloth diapering. No joke, it makes so much sense if you think about it. We figured it would save us at least $2,000 a year, and our baby has about another 2 years to wear diapers. I like having money.

Look at all the cute patterns!! (The one in the lower right corner is a swim cover!)

The liners, I did get one prefold, it just isn't in this pic.


I got several different kinds, so I could find out which kind I like best, so the initial cost for us was about $250, and tht was with buying all the accesories one could want (i.e. a small wet bag a larg wet bag with a dry compartment, we will be using that as our 'pail' and with buying detergent). I was able to buy them locally, from my friend Tonya Taylor, owner of Komfy Kidz and Taylor Made Slings. She's awesome and was great at explaining everything and helping me choose what would work best for us. So, after $250 spent on diapers, I won't be buying any more (since Ryan says Kevlie is our last baby) hopefully, ever! That, makes me happy! I'm so excited to start this!

I'm so crafty, I grow people!

No, I'm not pregnant, I just really love that quote and I was feeling crafty these past few days. So I found something to help with that piticular itch.

It wasn't until today (after like 6 months), that I finally got my curtains for my kitchen hung! I've only done the top half (still need to get a tension rod for the bottom half of the curtains), but I lucked out and discovered that the curtains match the flowers on my flour containers that I've had for a few years that Ive never really used but haven't been willing to part with.

My sister bought me some herbs for my birthday this year and they've sat in their nursery containers while I've put getting them cute herb pots to the bottom of my list.

Then, this idea happened!!

SO easy! And I think it's super cute!

See? Matches!

Fulfillment

Today was such a great day. I kept finding myself awed at the wonderful life I have. I'll try to paint a few pictures to describe the it.

The first today was breakfast, now, breakfast today didn't happen until about 9:30am, but it still happened. And while we were all sitting around the table eating, it was like a part of me took a step back and looked at our family, talking, joking and just spending time and bonding over food. And I was taken back at the... rightness of it. Having my husband home has a lot to do with it, I'm much less stressed and I'm able to have someone to snuggle.

Then, Ryan started mowing the lawn and the kids jumped at the chance to get outside too. It was so fun to watch them playing while Ryan was working. The windows were open and with the smell and sounds, I feel so lucky to have them. Even when Daniel purposely kicked a ball in front of the mower and it was cut to pieces. Still a great time.

The best though, was when the kids got their popsicles. We found some popsicle molds at Winco for about $2 and we got them. It's a great way to have a healthy fruit, yogurt, or a fruit/veggie snack. Anyways, they had gotten all their chores done and school was finished so we broke them out. They were ecstatic and started hunkering down to eat them, when I mentioned sitting out in the sun, they were all for that. It was while I was watching them eating their sicles and talking to one another that I realized how fulfilled I feel. My life, my kids, my husband, are wonderful. I'm so blessed and lucky to have them. And I'm grateful to have the ability to see those moments and appreciate them. I love what I have. Yeah there are things that I would liked changed, but honestly, you might be hard pressed to find someone as happy with their life as I am.

Daniel Ryan Grover (Birthday #3)

Saturday was Daniel-san's 3rd birthday, I can't believe he's gotten so big, so fast! I miss holding my baby boy and making him smile just by him seeing me. He is such a sweet boy to his mama, he loves sitting on my lap and snuggling me. He will say the funniest things and *can be a great help. I'm so blessed and overjoyed to have him in my life.


Now, we weren't planning on really doing anything the day of his birthday cause we will be having a combined birthday party for both him and I. But, when he came into my room that morning and I saw his smiling face I decided that he should get to celebrate both days! We got our chores done and hit the road to gather supplies. It was so much fun to see him laugh and smile when he was able to pick out his present, my excitement probably rubbed off on him more then the actual excitement of having the toy did, but that doesn't matter. I let him pick out a cake and he was just tickled pink with what we found. I love my boy!

Our trip to Salt Lake City... Part Two

Our first night there we stayed at a Crystal Inn, which turned out to be about 4 miles away (we thought it was closer when we booked the room), about 2am we get a call from the PICU, Kevlie had pulled her ET tube out (that's the one that goes down her throat and into her Trachea). Thankfully, the Respiratory Therapist was actually standing right next to her bed, looking at the monitor and was able to get her reintabated right away, with no complications. After that they decided to put her on a paralytic, to prevent her moving too much and pulling it out again.

I don't think I could ever fully describe what seeing her that way is like... every time we walked in and saw her there, not breathing on her own, not moving... I couldn't help but silently cry for my baby. My heart would break and I would feel this fear, that something might go wrong, that she might die and then I would think of my life without her. Half of me was reluctant to stay with her, being close to that pain is hard, it's scary. But, I know how much regret and how much more pain I would have if something did happen and even though it hurt, and was scary, I stayed. I explained it to Ryan one day we were there, I went though seeing my dad get sick, go through unbearable amounts of pain and pass away, but more often then not, I ran from seeing him that way. I went out with friends, I went to every activity I could think of, so I wouldn't have to see him hurting. And now, I regret that with all my heart. Seeing him sick and in pain would be worth those few more moments of spending time with him, because now (at least not for a while) I can't ask his opinion on how to raise my kids, or on Obama, or to see how much he loves smart phones. It would have been so much more worth it.
I think Ryan understood and we were able to better support each other while we waited for her to be well enough to wake up.


One of the scariest times was when she extabated herself while we were there. Again, though, the nurses and RT's who work there are amazing, and luckily she's easy to intabate. Ryan and I held our cool until it was all over, then we cried. And it turned out, Vaseline, which we had been putting on her lips to help them from getting dried out, breaks down the type of tape they use! After we figured that out, she didn't have any problems.


She was sedated for about two and a half days. And in that time we couldn't hold her. She woke up really well and did great while they extabtaed her (on purpose this time). The next day, we were transferred to 'the floor' which is where the non critical patients go. YAY! And later that night, about 7pm, they discharged us. We wanted to be home so badly that we drove home that night, we got in about 12 and were able to sleep with our baby for the first time in months without worrying about her breathing!
We are so lucky to be blessed with wonderful friends and family that care about us and our children. Thank you all, for your prayers, strength and good vibes. I really think they made a huge difference.

Our trip to Salt Lake City... Part One

This isn't about the first time we went, THAT was for a family vacation. If I would have known about what was to come, we would have saved some time and money.

It all started three months ago when, after Kevlie got RSV, she was also diagnosed with Croup. She got over both, but her breathing never went back to normal. I figured it was just some residual symptoms of Croup. After about two weeks of nothing changing, we took her in to see the Pediatricians at Seasons Medical. Dr. Gate was the one to see her that day and after asking a few questions he told us it was Tracheomalacia. At the time of the diagnoses, I didn't feel like it was right, I didn't want it to be right. I wanted something that I could help with, that could be fixed and I was almost angry at him for telling us it was that and not something else.And, on top of that, we ask him for a written diagnosis, which he says he will give, then promptly leaves the office without doing.

Playing with her toes

Fast forward two months and many sleepless nights, we have a baby who has NOT started growing out of her diagnoses and who, out of 24 hours in a day, needs help breathing at least 20 of them. Whether that was from me helping or her, putting herself in a cockeyed position so she could breath. One night, she gets a low grade fever and starts acting lethargic, now, having done my research, I know that aspiration is something that can happen easily in babies with Tracheomalacia. Fearing that's what it was, we ended up taking her to the ER. They do all sorts of tests and poking, they take an x-ray for pneumonia and then another to check her airway. They poke her five times (four in her head) trying to get an IV in. And while all of this is happening, the SAME doctor comes in to talk to us and we refresh his memory that HE diagnosed her with Tracheomalacia, at that point he tells us that he doesn't really know if that's whats going on with her... Seriously!? Oh, my hand was itching to smack this man upside his MD head. Why in the world did he not, TWO months before, say 'hey, I think it's this, but because it's her airway, and that's a pretty important part of a body to not be working right, I'll order her a scope by one of the ENTs, just to be sure.'? But, no, he doesn't. He gives us a diagnosis for what he THINKS it is, without double checking, and books it out of his office for the weekend.

The siblings watching TV in her hospital room

At this point in time, I'm so beyond pissed and the mama bear in me is demanding this mans balls served on a plate with a side of rice. Ryan is feeling the same way, but he's showing it more then I was. I, was at least still civil to the douche bag.

A nervous mama and an oblivious baby, right before LifeFlight arrived

We're admitted that night and the option of an ENT coming to see her the next day and from there, possibly going to Primary's Children sometime that next week is presented. We figured we'd have a while to figure out what our options are and what we'll do. The ENT came Thursday evening to take a look at her and he saw that her throat from her vocal cords up, was perfectly fine. He did say however, that she had clusters of veins all the way down her throat and on her vocal cords. He said that he thinks she may have a hemangioma in her throat. They aren't able to get past her voice box with their camera without sedating her and they aren't able to do that at that hospital. So, we're referred to Primary Childrens. We honestly thought we would be taking her down sometime the next week, so we stay another night with the thought of going home and chilling for a day or two, then heading down on our own to have her examined. But oh, no, that wouldn't do. Friday morning, right after we woke up, like, we still had eye boogers, Dr. Lame comes in and tells us LifeFlight will be here in an hour. We were like, 'Wha?!'. So we got ready as fast as we could, they got there, loaded her up (I went with her while Ryan drove down) and we flew to Utah and drove to the hospital.

Noming on her cereal box, waiting for ENT

I waited a few hours for Ryan to get there, all the while, just holding Kevlie so she would sleep. They didn't want her to eat, to make it safer for her while she was intabated. That was hard, having a baby that was hungry and not being able to feed her. Poor thing.

I just think this is a cute picture, so you must look at it.

Ryan finally showed up and a couple of hours later the OR came to take her for a Broncoscopy. Letting them take her was one of the hardest things to do. I hated the fact that I couldn't see what they were doing. Or how she was reacting to it. Even worse, was that we couldn't hold her once she was out of the OR and back in the PICU. We left her at the hospital that night (now, before you start thinking we were abandoning her, the nurse to patient ratio in the PICU is wither 1:1 or 1:2, they NEVER give a nurse more the two patients at a time, plus she was sedated) and got a night, not really full of sleep, but more of worry.